Welcome to the Fan fiction section of Manor Macabré.
Here and only here will you get to read original fan fiction based on the character of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. After reading her Berkley books "Transylvania 90210," "The Boy Who Cried Werewolf," and "Camp Vamp" I was instantly fascinated by the idea of Elvira in real written literature.
While the Claypool Comic series is great, it is just that; a comic series. Since Elvira hasn't released any information on another set of books, I decided to give it a try myself and on this site I am publishing chapter by chapter my own story.
"Elvira and the Siege of the Living Dead," finds our favorite Glamour Ghoul and a group of teens (hey it worked in 'Mistress of the Dark') facing the end of the mortal world as armies of marching zombies threaten to over throw humanity and turn earth into one big buffet! Can Elvira handle the terrible truth behind the apocolypse, and accept her fate as the only one who can save mankind?
By Patterson Lundquist
"Well darling, it appears the critics were right about that box office turkey... 'Mulon Spooge,' or whatever it was called. I got in for free and I still feel ripped off. I might as well have stayed home and watched the rerun of 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes,' then again, I do need to get out of the house more often. The doorbell just rang, back soon!"
After rolling off of her stomach and onto her feet Elvira quickly slipped into her fuzzy leopard print slippers, threw a robe around her pajama clad body and bounced down the stairs to the front door.
"Oh, my," she grinned as she opened the door.
"I, uh, my uh, you uh," the hunky young stud stuttered as he stared at Elvira.
"Car broke down," she asked with a grin.
"Need to use the phone," she asked.
"Uh, yah." he replied still stuttering.
"Great then take a second to put all my cloths back on and come on in," she laughed as she flung the door wide open.
"Huh, oh, sorry I didn't mean to stare," he said as he blushed.
"It's ok, no one ever does."
"I swear your house, it's the only one for miles," he said as he looked at his surroundings.
"Funny, I remember lots of neighbors when I moved in," she shrugged as they walked into the living room.
"I hope I didn't disturb you," he said politely as she pointed to the phone by the sofa.
"Oh, heck no, I was just about to hit the sack," she smiled sitting down while folding her right leg over her left as she continued to eye him like a slab of beef.
"You sleep in that," he asked slightly shocked.
"Yah, I mean I don't exactly go grocery shopping in it," she said as she slightly rolled her eyes and glanced off to her right.
"Funny," he grinned as he reached for the telephone.
Before he could grab it a bolt of lightening flashed through the old windows as a boom of thunder shattered the silence outside.
"Holy crap," he nearly yelled as he jumped in his seat.
"Ooo, I love storms," she cooed as more lightening made her brilliant blue eyes sparkle in the dim light.
Ignoring her comment he picked up the phone.
"Yeah, I need the number for a wrecker," he said glancing around him. He flinched as he noticed a very strange looking poodle sitting at his feet staring up at him.
"Oh, don't pay him any attention, Ghonk, scat," she said tossing a slipper at him.
"Yes, my car broke down out here on, oh you don't, when will you, oh that's great, fine ok all right, bye."
"Something wrong," Elvira asked as she stood up and went to retrieve her slipper.
"Their only driver is sick, and the back up driver is missing," he said frowning as he stared down at the floor.
"Missing," she asked as she sat back down.
"Yeah go figure, listen it was really nice, and thanks so much for the phone," he said standing up.
"You're kidding right," she asked her lip slightly curled.
"About what," he asked.
"You're not gonna go wandering back out to your car, in the dark, at this time of night," she said inching closer as a clap of thunder smashed through the house.
"In a storm," she finished as the thunder subsided.
"Well, if you have a car," he started.
Just as she began to reject the idea of taking him to a hotel Elvira suddenly liked the idea.
"Hey, that's new, uh I mean sure yah that'll be fine, lemme' go throw something on," she smiled as she stood up and sauntered up the stairs.
"This is some place you've got here," he said as he walked about the living room eyeing the furnishings.
"Oh, hey thanks," she called out from her bedroom.
"Kinda like retro-modern-neo-gothic," he chuckled as he eyed some of the very weird furnishings.
"Oh, is that what they call it," she asked as she looked over her home as she came down the stairs.
"I thought you were gonna get changed," he asked as he eyed her typical black gown.
"Oh, sorry I guess I was just expecting something a bit more substantial."
"Believe me honey, this is more than substantial," she said as she swiped her keys off the stand by the front door.
"Whatever you say, you're the boss," he smiled as he followed her out the door.
"Why can't more men say that," she smiled batting her lashes as she threw the bolt in the front door and walked down the front walk.
"I bet you're a real hit around Halloween," he laughed as they walked to the side garage.
"Halloween, hell darling I'm a vamp for all seasons whose look is a pleasin'," she smiled with a wink as the garage door lifted.
"You know," she said as she stopped and turned around.
"I don't think we've been properly introduced, the name is Elvira," she smiled as she held her hand out, palm down.
"Oh, yeah, sorry, mine is Taylor," he smiled shaking her hand.
"Ooo groovy, first Taylor I've met, and believe me I've met them all," she laughed as she unlocked the car door and slid in.
"Some how I'm not surprised," he muttered to himself with a grin as she unlocked his door.
"So, what will it be, the Super 8, the Motel 6, or are you feeling up for the big time at Ed's Plush Gardens and Svelte Rooms Per Night," she smiled as they pulled out of her driveway and headed down the dark road.
"That's a mouthful."
"Yah, you're telling me," she chuckled.
Not more than a few miles down the road they saw up ahead the strobing yellow lights of a wrecker. Pulled off to the side of the road near the old Becker Cemetery.
"Hey, isn't that a wrecker," Elvira exclaimed as she slowed down.
"Yeah, pull over maybe I can get him to pick up my car."
"Sure thing kiddo."
After rolling to a stop just a few feet from the wrecker both Elvira and Taylor stepped out of the car.
"Whoa, that is not exhaust," Elvira exclaimed as she clamped her thumb and index finger over the tip of her nose.
"Smells like sulfur, or like Cadiledic converter fumes," Taylor exclaimed waving his hand in front of his face.
"Nah, more like all you can eat night at Juans Taco Shack," Elvira tried to joke as goose bumps began to sprinkle across her skin.
The odor grew more intense as they approached the wrecker. Elvira glanced from her left to her right. Something caught her attention off in the distance behind the cemetery fence. She stepped slightly off the roadside as Taylor walked toward the wrecker.
"The engine is still running," he called out to her as she stepped through the weeds.
"Uh, yah, ok," she muttered still walking closer to the fence.
The wind picked up and pushed out from the cemetery. The smell poured around Elvira as she stumbled backwards gaging.
"Whoa, ok that's brutal," she coughed picking up the train on her gown as she began to turn back.
Something in the distance caught her attention again.
"Taylor, come here," she called through a plugged nose.
She squinted to see in the darkness ahead.
"Something wrong," he called to her, still back at the wrecker.
"Yah, I think, get over here," she called again still straining to see in the dark.
She was sure she had seen someone lumbering around in the darkness among the old broken tomb stones.
"What's up, ugh, that's rank," Taylor said covering his nose.
"Yah no kidding, ok look over there, you see that," she asked.
"No, wait, I think," he squinted trying to see.
"Looks like someone's moving around in there," she said quietly.
"Maybe it's the grounds keeper," he tried to reason.
"Yah, on the midnight shift," she scoffed.
"Or grave robbers," Taylor chuckled as he playfully jabbed Elvira in the side.
"Uh, I've seen enough movies to know that grave robbers use flash lights," she said slowly stepping back giving him an annoyed smile.
"Ok, what then, hey wait maybe it's the back up wrecker guy," Taylor said leaning on the fence.
"You know, ok that makes sense, but what's he doing in the cemetery," she asked again looking into the darkness.
"Beats the hell out of me, maybe he's drunk," Taylor replied.
"Lot of good he'll do you drunk, then you'll need another wrecker," she said jabbing him in the side.
"Hello," Taylor yelled at the top of his lungs.
Elvira nearly jumped out of her gown.
"What the hell are you doing? You don't scream 'Hello' out into a dark graveyard! Haven't you watched any scary movies, it's like a death wish. You might as well go camping in some old woods named after that chick from the Facts of Life!"
"Yeah, those are movies, this is real life and," Taylor started but was cut off by a distant sound.
Elvira's stomach flopped slightly and her skin began to crawl as the sound of mournful moaning seemed to roll towards them from with in the darkness of the cemetery.
"And I'm pretty damn sure that was a moan," she said as she stepped back.
"Oh come on," Taylor said with a nervous laugh.
"Yeah, ok you go play Buffy and I'll wait in the car!"
Elvira yanked up the train of her gown, turned heel and took off through the weeds.
"Don't leave me here," Taylor yelled as he started after her.
"Help me," a voice seemed to scream distantly from behind him.
"What," he said whipping around.
Elvira stumbled to a stop, her ears meeting with the distant cry for help.
"Keep running Elvira, keep running," her mind yelled at her.
"Taylor," she said glancing back.
"Yeah, I'm right here, did you hear that," he replied his form vaguely visible in the dim light.
"Yeah I did, now are you coming or am I," she started.
"Holy," Taylor blurted as he fell back from the fence.
"What the," Elvira yelled turning towards him taking a few steps.
"Oh my Godzilla," Elvira screamed as an old man in a wrecker uniform threw himself against the iron fence.
"Help me, oh God help me," he cried.
"Ohmigawd," Elvira screamed stumbling back, catching her heel in her gown she flopped backwards into the weeds.
"Are you ok," Taylor yelled jumping up towards the old man.
"They bit me, oh God they bit me, help they're trying to eat me," he cried reaching through the fence.
"Who, what, where," Taylor yelled as he looked behind the man.
"Them, the, oh God help," he screamed as he suddenly was yanked back from the fence.
Elvira scrambled in the weeds and finally bolted up to her feet. Swiping a weed from her face.
"What the hell is going on," she started as she stamped up in the dirt beside Taylor.
Just as she looked toward the cemetery a flash of lightening pulsed through the sky. The cemetery illuminated.
There among the forest of old and worn tomb stones loomed a small crowd of rotting corpses. Their bodies rotting, weeds hanging from their cloths, their blank eyes staring back.
"What, how, it's," Taylor stuttered.
"Move your butt," Elvira yelled snatching him by the collar as she turned to run.
"But the old man," Taylor yelled as he tried to keep up with Elvira as she high heeled it through the weeds out to the highway.
"But nothing, we are getting the heck out of Dodge," she said swishing around the front of the car clutching her gown.
"He might need help!"
"Nothing but a shotgun blast to the head will help him now," she yelled as she shoved the key into the ignition.
"What, kill him," Taylor yelled in shock.
"Give him half an hour and he'll be up doing the zombie stomp just like the rest of those creeps!"
Taylor looked out the window as he saw the first of the zombies falling over the fence.
"Elvira, the're coming out here," he yelled.
"Start damnit," she cursed at the Macabre Mobile.
The engine roared to life.
"Oh my god," he yelled as she threw the car into gear, stamped the gas and lurched forward as a shower of dirt and dust shot out from under the back tires.
"There were, more than I could count," he gasped as he looked over at her.
"Don't talk, let me think ok," she snapped looking in her rearview mirror.
"Hundreds, we gotta get into town," Taylor replied with a blank face as he switched on the radio.
He turned the dial.
"Darling, I think they beat us to it," she said as her eyes grew wide.
"You mean, oh God," Taylor said quietly as they roared down the dark road.
"You'll be ok, you've got me, and if anyone can survive something like this it's yours cruelly," Elvira said quietly still staring at the road.
"What are we gonna do," he asked as he looked over at her.
"The only thing I can think of right now," she said as she looked over at him, his handsome eyes filled with fear and worry.
"What's that," he said quietly.
"Stay alive," she replied.
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