Elvira and the Siege of the Living Dead
By Patterson Lundquist
As Karen and Taylor began to giggle they heard a loud creak come from outside on the front porch. Before either of them could react Elviras head popped out of the kitchen entry and looked around the corner.
Shh, she whispered quietly as she slid out of her slippers and padded across the entry quietly.
Yet another creak emanated from the other side of the door. Reaching behind the coat rack Elvira pulled a double barreled shot gun and brought it up to her shoulder.
Holy, Taylor almost blurted as she cocked the trigger.
Elvira, are you home, a voice could be heard outside.
Fin, she yelled in question.
Yeah, let me in, its pouring out here, he called.
After retracting the dozen or so locks and bolts Elvira gave the door a tug, allowing a cloaked individual just barely enough room to squeeze inside. Wind and rain blasting around him, soaking the floor.
Elvira thank God youre home, he sighed as he pulled off his cloak.
Uh, where else would I be in weather like this, she asked as she locked the door.
You know its like a Romero film out there, he exclaimed as he hung his cloak up.
Yeah, I noticed, um let me talk to you in the kitchen for a moment, she smiled as she pulled him into the kitchen.
What the hell is going on, she almost snapped as she pinned him to the refrigerator.
Thats what Im here to tell you, I have no clue, he exclaimed pulling her hands from his collar.
Uh, right you expect me to believe a warlock like you has no clue whats going on when the dead start makin like its a Michael Jackson video on Main Street Middle America?
Honestly, I have no idea, thats why I came to see you, its worse than you think, he sighed as he walked over to the table.
Uh, and just how much worse could it get, she asked rolling her eyes as she sat down across from him.
Know the mess thats going on in town, he asked.
Duh, me and those kids out there just took a one way ticket out of Dodge City about an hour ago, she exclaimed resting her chin on her fist.
Yeah, well the same thing is going on elsewhere, he whispered.
Elvira sat up slightly, her eyebrows pinching together.
Just where else, she asked.
New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, he continued as her eyes grew wide.
Theres even reports of the same things happening in Paris, Moscow and Beijing, he finished looking down at his hands.
Whoa, Elvira gasped sitting back in her chair.
Yeah, so this isnt just an isolated incident, its happening all over the world, and it gets worse.
Oh great, she exclaimed slapping the table top with her hand.
It appears that the same old fictional rules of the living dead apply, a bite from one converts you within a few hours, depending on the severity of the injury.
Gee, she began with a comical expression.
Im kicking myself for not having bought in bulk from Zombie-Away, those pest strips would have come in really handy, she sneered curling her lip.
So what are you going to do, he asked looking over at her.
Say wha, she asked leaving her mouth hanging open.
You heard me, what are you going to do, he repeated.
Ok, you know just because Ive seen every horror movie in existence doesnt mean I know exactly what to do when the crap starts coming to life, she blurted as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively.
You do realize you still are the Mistress of the Dark, you still hold the rank, title and all the powers that were bestowed upon your mother Divanna, he whispered.
Oh come on, all that hocus pocus has just about fizzled out by now, you know I dont have the book, it burned up that day, and as for this, she exclaimed holding her ruby ring up to the light.
Well, I only wear it now because of sentimental value, it doesnt do diddly-squat anymore, she sighed tucking her hand back under her arm.
First of all you and I both know you never needed the book, Morganna told you that, remember you- he began.
Yeah yeah, I know you carry the power with you, she rolled her eyes.
Finvara sighed and sat back, searching his mind for a way to nudge Elvira into tapping into her, untapped well of power.
This may have something to do with Vincent, he said point blank.
This caused Elvira to sit forward. Her eyes glared up from behind her bangs.
Vinnie is dead, she said with a cold voice.
You know he was youre mothers brother, more powerful than her on many levels, he started.
Fin, I really dont need a family history lesson right now, she began as she stood up.
Elvira, he exclaimed as he placed his hand on her wrist.
What, she asked flatly.
Its been thirteen years, to the day, I thought you would have noticed, he said as she glanced over at the counter.
Elvira looked at the calendar, her skin sprinkled with goose bumps as she closed her eyes.
And now Elvira, you die, Vincents voice sliced through her again just as it had so many years before.
She felt the warmth of the flames around her, the smell of the wood burning. Her hands struggling to free the ring from his severed hand, the painful flash of light from the collision of the power she held clashing against her uncles. The blast which she had always believed sealed his fate.
Fin, she whispered quietly.
Thereve been few things that scare me, Vincent is one of them, she finished sitting back down with a sigh.
I know, but hes the only thing I can imagine that would pull a stunt like this, thirteen years to the day, and Im sure if we look up the star charts well see that theres major alignment going on tonight, Fin exclaimed.
Wait a second, tonight, thatd mean if he is behind all this, hell be, she paused.
Making his big entrance at any time, Fin finished.
The both of them glanced over, noticing Ghonk sitting there staring at Elvira.
The rottweilers eyes glowing red, his ears perked.
Oh crap I know that look, she said as she stiffened up a bit.
So thats his protector form, Fin asked.
Yeah, the last time he looked like that was, she grew quiet.
Do you have anything left from the old house back in Fallwell, Fin asked.
Just some charred odds and ends, she exclaimed.
We should go take a look at them, anything that was your Aunt Morgannas will be of some assistance.
They both turned around to see Taylor Karen and Sphen standing in the door way, quiet and pale.
Hey kids, Elvira smiled as she walked up.
Youre a witch, Karen asked.
Not so much a witch, she explained as she jestured with her hands.
More like, she tried to think.
The daughter of one, believe me, Elvira doesnt give much credit to the art, Fin exclaimed as they walked into the living room.
And that is magical, Sphen asked as he took Elviras hand in his and lifted her ring finger up to the candle light.
Eh, well it was once, but I dont know anymore, Elvira frowned while arching her eyebrow.
I have a feeling youll find out soon enough, Fin assured from over her shoulder.
Yeah, well I got a feeling too, Ill meet you up in the attic, she replied as she started up the stairs.
Where are you going, Taylor asked.
Nature calls darling, she exclaimed over her shoulder.
Throw on some real cloths before you come back, Fin exclaimed with a smirk.
Elvira didnt reply, however one of her slippers flew out of the room and nearly smacked Finvara in the head.
You gotta love her, he laughed.
This is it, Fin asked as they stared down into the trunk.
Yeah, I told you it wasnt much, just a few charred doo-dads, Elvira exclaimed as she wiped a soot stain off her finger.
Not much good any of this will do us, Fin frowned sitting back on his feet Indian style.
Sorry dude, I mean dont get me wrong, I would have loved to have more to show you but I didnt have that much of a choice yah know, she started as Fin began to glance around the room.
I mean it wasnt like Vinnie asked me if I wanted my house rare or well done, she trailed off as he stood up and walked across the attic.
What about in this box, he asked.
Uh, thats just some of my old burned up junk, she called out over her shoulder without turning around.
May I, he asked as he began to tear the box open.
Sure, she laughed shaking her head.
By all means, rip away, she sneered as she slammed the trunk lid and walked over.
You saved these, he asked holding up a pair of charred shoes.
They were Italian, she defended.
They might as well be vinyl from china, he laughed throwing the melted wads into the corner of the box.
Oh man, he groaned as he pulled his hand out.
What is in the bottom of this thing, he asked looking up at her.
I told you it was full of my stuff that had gotten burned up, she exclaimed rolling her eyes.
Here sissy pants, she chided as she knelt down and dug her hand down into the contents.
Fin watched her hand dig around for about five seconds when it got still. He glanced up at her face, which had no expression what so ever.
Elvira, he asked leaning closer.
What did you feel when you stuck your hand in here, she asked with a flat voice.
Fin started laughing.
What did you find, he asked.
Feels like I stuck my hand inside the stomach of a small animal, Elvira groaned as her eyes crossed.
What, ok I didnt feel that, he asked sitting forward with the lantern.
How bad is it, she asked not looking into the box, her eyes pinched shut her hand still in the box.
Well the box has water damage, he exclaimed looking up at the roof that was allowing a slow steady drip to fall into the box near her hand.
Yeah, when did water damage feel like The Learning Channel, she groaned.
Youve got your hand in, he started as her face even crunched up more.
Madame La Croixs edible, he began.
Undies, she chirped turning around and looking inside.
Oh my God, he groaned.
I wondered where they went, those werent burned, she smiled.
Pulling her hand out by the wrist he held it up to the light.
Yeah but it doesnt look like youll be wearing them, he exclaimed eyeing the sticky red mess.
Eh, yeah well, at least that little mystery is solved, she smirked.
Fin turned back to the box.
Mmm Strawberry, she muttered from behind him.
Fin closed his eyes and swallowed.
Tell me you didnt just taste that, he pleaded looking back over his shoulder.
Uh, Elvira smirked sheepishly.
Oh gross, he laughed.
Hey these cost me thirty dollars, she started when he held his hand up.
What is that, he asked as he shined the light down into the bottom of the box.
Beats the hell out of me, she replied looking around for something to wipe her hand on.
Looks like, he exclaimed picking it up.
A spine, he muttered.
Eww, she blurted sliding back.
No, not a, Elvira do you really think thered be a spine in your box, he asked.
"Stranger things have happened," Elvira shrugged with a wink.
Oh a book spine, right, I knew that, she smiled.
Fin picked the charred spine up out of the box.
Wait a second, I dont read, Elvira blurted scooting up.
Lemme see that, she exclaimed taking the spine out of his hands.
Careful, he barked, Its brittle.
Heck if I know what this is from, she exclaimed turning it over in her hands.
Uh, Elvira, he started.
Too thick to be a magazine or something, she muttered.
Elvira, he exclaimed again.
How the hell it got in this box I have no clue, she continued.
Elvira, he yelled.
Whats wrong with you, screamin my name like that, Im sitting right next to you, she scolded catching her breath.
Look, he exclaimed wide eyed.
Look, look what, she asked confused.
Your ring, he gasped.
Oh my she muttered as she held her right hand up.
The ruby seemed to gleam and glow a dim red.
Here, he exclaimed as he pushed her right hand closer to the book spine.
The ruby pulsed and began to glow even brighter as it got closer to the chunk of ash. Just as the spine and the ring touched a bright crimson glow flooded the small corner of the attic.
Holy cripes, Elvira yelped squinting her eyes.
I think we found the last remains of your Great Aunts book, Fin exclaimed from behind his hand.
Fin the ring is vibrating, she exclaimed in shock.
Before he could do anything she yanked her hand away from the book and the red light nearly extinguished totally.
What are you doing, he asked.
I dont know but Im not gonna do it up here in this attic, she exclaimed standing up.
Suddenly the sound of foot steps came thundering up the stairs.
Elvira, she heard Karen scream.
Oh crap, Elvira blurted rushing towards the stairs.
Elvira, she yelled again as Elvira nearly collided into her.
Whoa, who turned out the lights, she exclaimed trying to see.
Theyre outside, Karen hissed.
They, they, oh uh, Elvira started to stutter as the possibilities of exactly what was outside ran through her mind.
We blew out the candles, Sphen was sitting at the window and he saw the first of them come down the street, thats why we put out the lights, Karen gasped out of breath.
How bad is it, Fin asked.
I lost count at about one hundred fifty, Taylor panted as he made his way up beside them.
Do they know were in here, Elvira asked.
I dont know, weve kept all the curtains shut and the lights are out, so hopefully they, Taylor started as the sound of breaking glass met their ears.
Elvira nearly jumped totally into Fins arms at the sound of the crash.
Sphen, Karen yelled as she ran down the stairs.
As the four of them came to a stop on the staircase they saw Sphen standing sheepishly over a broken bowl.
Oh my god, Elvira screamed.
Im sorry, Sphen whimpered as he dropped to his knees.
What were you doing, Elvira gasped.
I wanted more popcorn, and this bowl was on the shelf here in the, he started.
This is the bowl Jimi Hendrix kept his seeds in, Elvira yelled.
Seeds, Taylor asked with his eyebrow arched.
Uh, yeah, Elvira suddenly began.
Uh, watermelon seeds, she laughed trying to avoid Taylors eyes.
Right, Taylor laughed.
Now its all busted, damn it Sphen, Elvira groaned.
Is there anything I can do to make it up to you, Sphen asked.
Elvira stopped dead in her tracks and turned her head to look at him.
Neither Fin, Taylor or Karen could see Elviras face, but Sphen began to blush profusely.
Stop that, Karen blurted.
Stop what, Elvira exclaimed turning around.
You know what I mean, Karen laughed with an annoyed tone.
Good grief youre worse than the nuns at the orphanage, Elvira grumbled.
Alright, there are more important things to discuss than Jimi Hendrix's spit-toon, Fin exclaimed after he slowly moved away from the window.
Whats goin on out there, Elvira asked.
They know were in here, but they havent moved any closer than the front lawn, Fin replied.
The rain stopped, Elvira suddenly exclaimed glancing upward.
Yeah that too, Taylor replied.
We need to sit down with the book spine and figure out what were going to do, Fin exclaimed as he walked into the dining room.
What can we do, all there is, is a spine, Elvira countered as she followed him in.
The spine is the back bone of the book, all the pages sprouted from it, it is a spell book after all.
So, I think with the ring and maybe a little hocus-pocus, as you like to call it, we might be able to regenerate the book, Fin grinned.
The only thing that book ever really did was make a really gnarly casserole, and I highly doubt we can get all those creeps out there to sit down for a bit to eat, Elvira replied with an exhausted expression.
Besides, that casserole gave people the friskies, and even though seeing an entire town counsel full of old fatties getting busy with one another was pretty revolting, I can bet you my brazier that horny zombies are a lot worse, she exclaimed tilting her head while she smoothed down the back of her bouffant.
Fin bit his lip in an attempt to keep from laughing. Out of everyone on earth Elvira had been the only person who had ever actually made him laugh. He wasnt sure how, or why. Perhaps it was just the way she delivered her jokes. He shrugged it off and continued to clear the dining room table.
Do you remember any of the spells from the book, Fin asked.
Yeah just one, totally verbal no ingredients required.
And that was, he asked.
Uh, Sellsba Reekie Moolah, Elvira exclaimed.
And that served what purpose?
Not much, just produced a python big enough to squeeze the life out of a line backer.
Ingredients, do you have any of those left, he asked.
Nope, most of that crud was combustible, once the fire hit the cabinet it went off like a gas main, Elvira frowned.
Felemgra has a tendency to do that, Fin smiled.
Oh no, I was already out of Felemgra, Elvira corrected him.
Oh, strange, he shrugged.
Ok anything we can do, Karen asked.
Yes, even though its gonna draw attention, Im pretty sure they already know were in here, so grab all the candles you can get your hands on, Fin exclaimed as the three of them walked into the living room.
Yeah, all the candles we can get our hands on, Elvira grinned playfully as she gave Sphen a squeeze.
Thats not a candle, Sphen gasped as he turned bright red.
Maybe, but hopefully youll give me a chance to blow it out later, Elvira grinned as she sauntered into the living room, giving him a wink over her shoulder.
Chapter 4 coming soon!
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